yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize