Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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