I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
