3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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