Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
