I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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