The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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