hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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