The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
