I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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