So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
