somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
