Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
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What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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