i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
