So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
