maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
