Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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