So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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