turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
