I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
