I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
