I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we're making bets on your personal life
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
