You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
