I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
