dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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