Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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