you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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