This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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