i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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