Don't you send me to vm
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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