it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
