If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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