i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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