You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
