He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
