we're making bets on your personal life
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
