i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
