u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
