There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
