Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
