i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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