You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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