He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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