matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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