We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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