every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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