In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it hurts more in the daytime
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
