so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
