You smell like a Billy Joel song
false alarm. still invincible.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
