She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am spending my child support on dildos
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
