The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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