I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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