well you can't waste a boner
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
