do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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