just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
