i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
