so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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