idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
