Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
