I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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