Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
