It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
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we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
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I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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