I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
